Pat Ritter. Books

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'Confessions of an alcoholic' - Page 142:

‘How did he become a RESCUER?’ was a constant question asked by his clients. He explained he always wanted to help people, unfortunately he thought at the time he was ‘doing the right thing’ but instead of helping people he was in fact RESCUING THEM - not helping them. His role now was to empower his clients to help themselves whilst he walked beside them to wherever they wanted to go. For some clients it was a tough journey.
Bundy spoke of how his wife Ada never trusted him after he stopped drinking, too frightened to allow herself to open her heart and allow Bundy back in. He admitted to understanding why she didn’t trust him again after what he’d put her through during their marriage. It took many years before Ada trusted him again. To have the ability to TRUST someone was the focus for this session.
Each client had their homework to do before their next session. They had to build TRUST again between their family members, friends, and themselves. For some clients, this period was much tougher, for their relationships had finished with separation of their families and loved ones. It was a steep learning curve but they returned for their next session.
At this session after discussing ‘how they improved their relationship by TRUST’ they were ready for their next session. In this session each client had to make a COMMITMENT to him or her for change and to be ACCOUNTABLE for what they wanted to change.
Bundy explained how he, at this stage committed himself to openly speaking with Ada about everything, being accountable to her so she could again trust him. He became completely HONEST and TRUSTWORTHY. For an alcoholic this was not an easy task to accomplish.

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He related his story about how tough it was to begin with. ‘I’d tell her a lie not realising I’d done it. Immediately I realised I’d told Ada a lie – or stretched the truth a little – I apologised to her immediately correcting myself at the same time.’
Bundy told his clients of how he had dealt with this section of ‘getting better’. After awhile it became better to tell the truth. It took a long time before he had it right. Each client’s homework for was to build TRUST by being HONEST and TRUSTWORTHY with everyone they met.
Only the clients who wanted to make important changes to their lives continued with their counselling sessions. Up until this point a client was comfortable with their sessions but when it came to TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY the numbers dropped off considerably. Only the clients who wanted to do the hard yards continued onwards with their counselling.
TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for their actions is daunting for most people, but when the person hasn’t taken personal responsibility for anything in their lives before; it can become overwhelming and frightening. But if there are changes to be made in their life, it’s taking these personal issues and working through them to do away with the bad habits, which is important. Dealing with personal responsibility uncovers many issues for the individual to deal with.

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He had trouble in dealing with this issue, because of his constant anger at some of the events, which often happened in his life. At times, he thought he was hard done by and this made him feel incredibly angry, hurting his feelings, upsetting him to a point he couldn’t control his anger toward the person who had done him wrong. He’d seek revenge in some way, but although he never carried out his revenge to this other person, the whole issue confused his mind to the point where he’d go to the hotel and get drunk.
Although getting drunk may have been a short-term solution to his problem, when he sobered up the problem was still there. It took many months to work through his issues of ‘getting angry’ eventually realising he had no control over the anger, anyway, so why get angry in the first place. All it did was to raise his blood pressure a few notches, allowing other people to have power and control over him.
Eventually, he realised what caused him to become angry, it was a habit of being a ‘RESCUER’, which was like a trigger going off in his brain. After many months of controlling his thoughts of being a ‘RESCUER’, he felt more comfortable by admitting, he had no control over any other person, so he couldn’t do anything about what they were doing or had done.
As his stories unfolded to his clients, they too realised the journey he was taking them on. After each session Bundy noticed how different each client reacted to what had been discussed during his or her session. He felt wonderful in a way of sharing his course of information to his clients giving them an opportunity of self-improvement and the realisation that they too, can do it.

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Bundy felt his counselling sessions were benefiting both his clients as well as making him develop much-needed self-belief. Of the many clients who continued their counselling sessions, he noticed how much they had improved from their initial session.
Their stories told by them in an excited voice, telling him of ‘how’ they were now ‘getting on with their lives’ and enjoying their family as well as enjoying themselves. They couldn’t understand why they didn’t do something like what they were now doing some time before. It was exciting for Bundy to witness the changes to his clients as they developed their skills and knowledge of where they wanted to go in life.
After each session, the client commented about how they couldn’t wait for their next session to develop more skills. It was a learning process of ‘becoming aware of themselves’. Some of these client’s comments were, for years they had accepted they were ‘no good’ for what they had done whilst being drunk. Now, they accept what they’d previously done was their fault and now events were changing in their lives. They felt more in control and more self-aware.
One client who presented for counselling was a young girl sixteen years of age. She had a problem with alcohol and couldn’t stop drinking. She attended counselling and was at the stage of the session involving Self-Esteem which normally followed on from ‘Taking Personal Responsibility’. This young girl looked beautiful with long blonde hair and a friendly personality. Bundy couldn’t understand why she had developed a drinking problem at such a tender age.

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At one of her counselling sessions, Bundy asked her why she drank alcohol at her age. Her comments being she didn’t like herself. Bundy was astonished. Since attending counselling she’d stopped her drinking but continued to have a problem about ‘not liking herself’. Bundy came up with an idea and said to this young girl, ‘would you come with me to the other room. I want to show you something.’ They left the counselling room and walked to an adjoining room. On the wall of the room was a large mirror.
‘Would you please have a look in this mirror for me?’ The girl declined, and looked away, ‘why don’t you want to look at yourself in the mirror?’
‘I don’t like myself.’ Bundy couldn’t believe she told him.
‘Why don’t you like yourself?’
‘I don’t know. I just don’t.’
‘Do you want to like yourself?’
‘Yes, I’d love too.’
‘Will you do something for me everyday for the next week before your next counselling session?’ Bundy replied.
‘What do you want me to do?’ She said.
‘I want you to look directly into the mirror everyday and say to yourself in the mirror – I LOVE YOU. Can you do that for me?’ Bundy said.
“Yes, I’ll have a go at it - it’s sounds foolish but I’ll do it.’ She replied.
When the young girl attended her next counselling session, she couldn’t wait to tell Bundy everyday she investigated the mirror saying - I LOVE YOU. She’d overcome the thought she didn’t like herself and now she did like herself. Bundy’s idea worked.

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It was nearing the final sessions for each client. For them to complete this final stage, clients needed to focus on setting their own personal goal for their future. Bundy insisted each client think about their future after counselling, planning to accomplish whatever they wanted in life. It was the cream on top of the cake after they’d attended all the sessions.
Each client was asked to write down his or her personal goal onto a piece of paper, specifically stating a date when this goal was to become reality. Working with each client, Bundy spoke about strategies of how to achieve their personal goal and to keep working at the goal until they reached it. By the final session it was difficult to know who was the more excited about the progress of each client, whether it was the client or Bundy.
Personal growth within an individual can induce many feelings, particularly emotional ones, when an individual has progressed to a point in their lives where they had never been before. At his or her final session, Bundy presented to each client a certificate outlining each session. He also gave them a small booklet he had written, outlining each topic they’d spoken about during each session. It was their road map for their future. They could look back on their journey and reflect on how each of them travelled their highway of recovery to live a better life.

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Some of the clients who failed to complete Bundy’s total programme, there were many who relapsed back to drinking alcohol. It’s not the end of the road for them; they just need to start again from the beginning when they’re ready to do so. Bundy had many clients who stopped drinking alcohol. Like they said at the time, ‘I’m giving my body a bit of a rest.’ They were not ready to STOP DRINKING PERMANENTLY – THE PENNY HADN’T DROPPED or on the other hand they switched addictions. Instead of drinking alcohol they turned their addiction to another drug of their choice or another addiction of their choice.
For many clients who stopped drinking alcohol after completing Bundy’s counselling sessions, most of them didn’t return to drinking alcohol. Of the ones whose drinking habits returned, at times it was when their mind triggered a reminder of ‘those good old days’, unfortunately, those ‘good old days’ were never the same as they used to be. One of the major triggers to remind a client about returning to drinking alcohol was an anniversary, birthday, or celebration. Either it was the time when they had their last alcohol drink or the death of a loved one or any time they celebrated with friends or family at festive times.
It didn’t matter if there was an excuse to ‘fall off the wagon’ and start drinking alcohol again. Glen was a typical client who always fell off the wagon until he realised his dream of forming the ‘Friday Group’. It was a realisation and dream of Glen’s to help other people.
Fortunately for Bundy he never ‘fell off the wagon’ because of his promise he made to Ada.