Pat Ritter. Books

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'Greatest OMR Stories' -

The Virgin Father

My mind passes back to a trip my partner and I went on many years ago, ‘Stars, Spars, Outback Tour’. Instead of staying in motel accommodation, we camped on outback sheep and cattle stations.
Shortly after turning twenty-one years old I worked on a sheep and cattle property in far south-west Queensland. This latest adventure became different to anything I ever experienced before.
Country people are always friendly greeting us with warm country hospitality. First property we stayed overnight ‘Nardoo Station’ north of Cunnamulla in south-west Queensland. Not long after arrival our host took us on a tour of the property to familiarise us with this great country.
I’d seen most of this type of country a hundred times over, particularly, mulga scrub, open plains, Mitchell grass, until we came across a nest of Emu eggs in a clearing. Our guide stopped the bus for all to decamp and inspect this wonderland of animal instinct. All my travelling through this country, I never witnessed this sight before. Five large emu eggs in a nest with a giant male Emu standing nearby.
‘Let me explain to you about the Emu.’ The guide started to inform us all. ‘These eggs were laid by the female Emu, she left her nest. The male Emu sits on these eggs for six weeks until the chicks are born.’ I needed to close my mouth before flies entered.
‘A Virgin Father.’ These words I spoke aloud.
‘What do you mean, A Virgin Father’? The guide asked me.
‘Simple, the female Emu lays the eggs. The male Emu takes over making him ‘The Virgin Father’. I said in astonishment. This thought entered my mind when the male Emu stood near the eggs.
‘How do you work out he’s ‘A Virgin Father’? The guide questioned me. Obvious she’d become intrigued with my answer.
‘Okay, I realise they conceived the eggs before laying them. ‘The Virgin Father’ is unique because probably he is the first male I’ve ever seen to sit on eggs to produce his chicks. I’ve never witnessed a man pregnant. Have you?’ I explained in a manner-of-speaking.
‘When you explain how this happened in the way you have done. Yes, I agree, ‘The Virgin Father’ is a male Emu. I’ll need to keep this in mind to tell other guests.’ Our guide answered with a frown on her face.
‘You’re clever to point out this point.’ My partner whispered in my ear.
‘Don’t worry. I only thought of ‘The Virgin Father’ after the guide told us about the male Emu sitting on the eggs. I’m not clever.’ I finished with a smile spread across my face.
‘I think you’re clever.’ My partner replied holding my hand in hers. ‘You are my Virgin Father’.
‘I’m too old to be sitting on your eggs.’ I smiled.
Word count: 474
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'Greatest OMR Stories'
The Day I Cooked The Books
During the late 1970’s in Australia many businesses adopted a system to reduce paying their taxes to the Commonwealth. This system ‘Bottom Of The Harbour Scheme’. I’ll share a story of my knowledge to this scheme.
Around this time, I worked part-time for a trucking business at Dalby on the outskirts of the Darling Downs. My role repair field bins. Another of my tasks to answer the telephone, record the messages for the owner to read on his return to the office. This being a part-time job I worked one full day a week.
Many times, I became the only person in the office to answer the telephone, record messages. One occasion a telephone call from another business person down the road wanted to contact the Boss about something important. No mobile telephones in those days. My only chance to hold onto the messages until the Boss returned.
When he returned I immediately told him about his messages including the emergency to contact his business friend. ‘I’ll phone him later. I want to thank you for taking care of business in my absence. Anytime you want a fulltime job.’ My Boss told me.
This being a second job, I couldn’t leave my permanent position. I thanked him for his offer declined under the circumstances. Before I left he wanted to speak to me about something important.
‘These telephone calls you’ve been receiving in my absence is from so-and-so down the road.’ His machinery business sold more farm machinery than any other business on the Darling Downs.
‘Yes.’ I explained.
‘He’s got me tied up in a scheme called ‘Bottom Of The Harbour Scheme’. Great idea he came up with to reduce tax paid to the Commonwealth.’ The Boss explained, taking me into his confidence.
‘Yes.’ Blank look on my face appeared not to understand.
‘Thought I’d share with you. Saved me thousands of dollars last year. I purchased another house down the Gold Coast.’ My mind exploded with visions of this other house.
‘Wow! How does this scheme work?’ My interest obviously showed to think I may be interested.
‘We place our money into movie deals. Claim the money as a tax deduction.’ He explained.
The penny never dropped. ‘How do you make money?’ I queried.
‘We don’t. Whatever money we invest, the money is a tax deduction at the end of the year. Hence the name ‘Bottom Of The Harbour Scheme’’.
‘Excuse my ignorance. How do you make money from investing into movie deals when they don’t make money?’ I queried.
‘The day I cooked the books to show how much money we invest. No movie has made any money at this stage. Deduction for loss returns to us at the end of the year through our tax returns.’ The Boss explained everything.
‘Sorry, I don’t understand. All I do understand is you cooked the books. I don’t understand what these words mean. Hope you’re never caught.’ I finished my employment immediately with this Boss.

Word count: 506
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'Greatest OMR Stories' -

What Will You Be Doing In The Next War Daddy.

Wars have been fought between countries for as long as history tells us. In Australian history, our major wars Boer War, World War 1, World War 11. In grade 8 I asked the teacher why we have wars. Her reply, ‘to control inflation of the economy.’ At the time, I didn’t understand her meaning.
When I turned seventeen years-old the government of the day joined other countries to fight in Vietnam. Conscription of males born on a certain date were ordered to join this conflict. Lucky my date of birth didn’t fall into this category. Many of my friends and workmates ordered to fight.
My thoughts went out to these heroes who were conscripted to battle in a country which had no connection with Australia. Thinking back to the question I ask my teacher in grade 8 certain reflections of her answer puzzled my mind.
Australian population grew annually at a steady rate. Inflation grew accordingly. Why did Australia want to become involved in this conflict? Studying the years between each conflict showed every twenty-five years a world war happened. Many lost their lives, many more wounded, many never recovering from their time on the battlefront.
Suddenly the penny dropped to understand the answer my grade 8 teacher gave. With so many Australians killed in these conflicts, thus reduced the population of our country controlled inflation. These brave heroes gave their life for others to survive.
If a war happened today, countries wouldn’t need to worry about inflation because they’d be no one alive. To end World War 11 an Atomic Bomb used to stop the Japanese. Imagine the type of bomb to stop the world in today’s scientific age. We’d be acting out those Hollywood movies when the world ended with a big bang.
What will you be doing in the next war Daddy if asked by my children would be to sit tight at Brooloo waiting for the final hours of doom to arrive. In today’s world of media, instant messages across the globe within seconds reach my computer at Brooloo, I’d sit and wait for the world to fight their own battles until some country raised their flag in defeat.
According to my twenty-five-year conflict to control inflation, more than seventy years have passed since the ending of World War 11. Yes, inflation has risen. Another World War would surely control inflation for the many who would lose their lives in today’s military warfare of bombs never seen before.
Why can’t people live in peace, resolve their conflicts without wars? Greed, power, money. Why should any country on earth possess an Armory so strong to threaten their neighbours? Surely these questions should be resolved.
Personally, I’d hate to witness a war currently of my life. Born after World War 11, living through the conflict of Vietnam, other conflicts especially the present overseas worry me. I’d hate to think if my grandchildren were conscripted into battle.
To answer this topic ‘What Will You Be Doing In the Next War Daddy?’ Hopefully country leaders will resolve their difference to live in peace. I’ll still be living in peace at Brooloo.
Word count: 537
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'Greatest OMR Stories' -

Where There Is A Will

Malcolm Fraser, Prime Minister of Australia once used these words, 'Life wasn't meant to be easy'. I remember his words today although he'd spoken them thirty years ago. At the time these words became a turning point in my life. My role guarding him.
We never had the terrorist threats as we have today. I remember driving in an unmarked police vehicle to Oakey Air Force Base to meet his plane. Apart from his personal security personnel, we were assigned to protect the Prime Minister whilst he visited towns in our area.
Mingling amongst the crowd people swarmed around the Prime Minister like bees to honey. I kept my distance like a duck out of water. A tap on my shoulder instantly returned by mind to the present, 'where's the Prime Minister?' Superintendent Byers shouted.
Pointing toward the large gathering I didn't say a word until Superintendent Byers said. 'If someone tries to shoot the Prime Minister I want you to take the bullet.' Like bloody hell I'll take a bullet for the Prime Minister went through my mind. My life is more important than his. I have a wife and family. Immediately I moved closer to the crowd surrounding the Prime Minister.
Where there is a will. There is a way. My instincts filled my mind. I stood on the outskirts of the crowd surrounding the Prime Minister whilst he made his speech to open the function. After which the crowd dispersed leaving the Prime Minister with his security staff.
On our return to Oakey Air Force Base Superintendent Byers vehicle led the procession at a rapid pace. Driving the second vehicle I had difficulty keeping up with him. Behind my vehicle the Prime Minister's vehicle. A vehicle approached us swerved to avoid collision with Superintendent Byers vehicle. I looked in the rear-a-vision mirror. The Prime Minister's vehicle stopped on the side of the roadway.
The Prime Minister alighted from his vehicle walked to toward the vehicle which by this time stopped on the side of the roadway. The driver shaking and nervous. The Prime Minister personally apologised to the driver, turned to me and said, 'who was the bloody idiot who drove this driver off the road!' He blasted.
By this time Superintendent Byers arrived at the scene. 'Me Mr Prime Minister.' He replied.
'I've apologised to this person. Now I want you to apologise also.' The Prime Minister said in a threatening voice.
Superintendent Byers apologised to the driver who by this time settled his nerves. I thought to myself, where there is a will. There is a way.
Word count: 439
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With More Than Usual Intent

1975 my first real investigation as a Detective Constable. Only a couple of months before, I was transferred to Dalby Criminal Investigation Branch to fulfil my life ambition to become a designated Detective in Queensland Police Force.
Detective Sergeant Lionel Bacchi our Officer-in-charge of Criminal Investigation Branch became my mentor. On a Monday morning he instructed me to take Plain Clothes Constable Peter Martin travel to Chinchilla to investigation two fires. This became my first major investigation.
We travelled to Chinchilla to interview a young male for setting fires, one in his neighbour's garage, another in a shoe store. I interviewed this young male in the presence of his mother. His admissions astonished me with his forthright admission of guilt wanting to burn down his neighbour's garage because of an altercation between neighbours. Cut and dry investigation, you may say.
With the second investigation this young male went to a storeroom at the rear of the local shoe shop. Cardboard boxes were staked along the rear wall. He removed these boxes placed them into a pile in the centre of the room. He was about to strike a match when the owner of the store entered the room stopped the young male from setting the boxes on fire. If the boxes ignited the whole shopping centre of Chinchilla would've been destroyed.
At the time I interview this young male he admitted to stacking the boxes; about to strike a match when the owner came into the storeroom to stop him. I asked a question, 'why did you want to set fire to these boxes?'
His reply, 'I don't know.'
On our return to Dalby Lionel wanted us to call into his home to discuss what we did. I handed him the Record of Interview I recorded from the young male person. We bid him goodnight. Next morning when we arrived at the office, Lionel wanted to speak with me. His demeanour not exciting. His words, 'when you asked him the question why did you want to set fire to these boxes.'
'Yes. He told me he didn't know.'
'You haven't proven intent.' His words fell on deaf ears. I didn't have a clue what he spoke about. Lionel continued, 'when a person plans to commit an offence, you need to understand he thinks through the process of intent, which is a state of mind. In this case you haven't proven 'intent'. His defence could be he wanted to set fire to the boxes to warm his hands which is no offence.' My head bowed. I didn't study enough to understand the law.
'Don't worry about this because I'll prosecute to make certain he doesn't raise the defence.' I thanked Lionel for this valuable information intent to study harder to understand the law. This investigation with more than usual intent became a strong lesson for me to learn early in my career.
Word count: 489
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Awesome Stories - OMR-One Minute Read
The Antique Vase
Joseph Banks, the botanist, sailed from his motherland with Captain Cook on the ‘Endeavour’ to discover Australia in 1770. Before departing, his father said presenting Joseph with an antique vase, ‘this has been in our family for generation; keep it to hold a specimen’.
When he boarded the ‘Endeavour’ he stored the vase in a safe place to not fracture or break. To hold such a prize presented from his father overwhelmed his feelings of love and devotion.
On arrival at Botany Bay he discovered various specimens of vegetation, caused Joseph to select one particular specimen to place in the antique vase. This selection he named ‘mulga’, an aboriginal name, taken from the scent of the bush surrounding the area.
On his return to his quarters, he placed a branch of ‘mulga’ in the antique vase. His chest swelled with pride and devotion to his family for presenting him with a family treasure.
On their return to the motherland Joseph couldn’t wait to show his father the antique vase; moreso, the branch of ‘mulga’ tree. His father spoke how proud of his son’s discovery.
Joseph Banks continued on other expeditions, not with Captain Cook but in charge of his own ship.
In early 1800 the ship Banks Captained sunk in the middle of the Indian Ocean along with the antique vase and ‘mulga’ branch from Australia; this being the last resting place of the antique vase.
For another century this antique vase sat at the bottom of the Indian Ocean until discovered by a party of men searching for hidden treasure. The antique vase was finally returned to England and eventually to the Banks family.
In 1999 whilst attending a wake for my late mother-in-law, her brother said to me, ‘you are now the rightful owner of the antique vase.’ My look was one of astonishment.
‘What antique vase?’ I asked. His story of how the antique vase had been in the family before the discovery of Australia, together being on the bottom of the Indian Ocean for a century until returned to the family, was a story of amazement and intrigue.
This antique vase now sits gathering dust on top of a cupboard in my home. If only the antique vase could talk, imagine what a story it could tell.

Word count: 387.
Stories Written at Pomona Writers Group, 2012

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